My everlasting love
by KM-Sama
Summary: Shuichi writes on his journal, while he ponders if he made the right choice for his life... please R


DISC: Gravitation... as usual... not mine Damn!

A/N: It's being a long time since I've posted a new story… I hope you like it and bear a little with me because I wrote this on my lunch break today… which means it was written in 15 min… on with the fic.

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: My everlasting love :

by: KM-Sama

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Maybe he wasn't the right man for me, but then again, what man is the right one for another man?; maybe I'm just being naïve, maybe I'm being stupid or maybe I'm just hopeless. I don't know, I thing I've always been this kind of a moron, always trusting people… people who doesn't deserve to be trusted. I hope this could change, I hope I could change but I think that I'll never will; being the main reason for it the fact that I don't want to change… confusing. I know, I'm such a mess. Did I jump to a conclusion too fast, did I rush myself?; it seemed so right at the time; to finally be able to get out of that useless relationship, to finish it all, to be free.

I mean, I know I was all fed up with him being, well, him; but now I'm not so sure after the time I've spend on my own I've come to see that it wasn't all just black and white like I thought, that it was much more to see that what it meets the eye.

Now I want him back. Now I want to feel again like I used to feel whenever he touched me, I want to feel my knees going soft and the butterflies in my stomach when he looked at me with those beautiful eyes. I want to feel him close, to make him warm in the cold winter nights, to love him…

Maybe I'm just a fool; what makes me thing that he'll want me after a year; nothing. Now I see that he indeed cared for me, in his very own way; now I see that it was me who had no patient, who asked and asked and kept asking for more when he couldn't give it, when he didn't knew how to give. It was my fault; that I know, but just until now I'm afraid; and it was my fault because I failed to teach him, I failed to listen when he begged me to give him some time, some space where he could gather his strength; where he could regain courage to be what I wanted him to be for me.

He tried, oh yes, he did try, but sadly, to me it was never enough and soon it was to unbearable for me because I couldn't understand the reasons, because I didn't see his heart far beyond the ice case it was covered with.

When I met him, he was so wounded, but soon he opened to me, he showed me how much he needed me, how much he needed to be loved and that gave me strength to put up with his temper, with all of him, but then, I'm not sure exactly when or why I stopped seeing. Some wounds are deeper that anyone could ever even dream to heal.

I wish I understood this so long ago; and I kept thinking… I just kept thinking, that's all I do, think and think about him. I love him so much it hurts and I don't care if its such an used phrase because in my case… it's the sole truth. I don't know what to do now, I'm sure I've lost him forever; I need him, I need him so bad I want to throw myself at his feet and cry, to ask for his forgiveness.

I promise him I'll never leave him but I broke that promise and now he would never take me back no matter how much I beg and beg… because I betrayed him; yes, me, who swore never to hurt him, never to betray and to lie… I BETRAYED HIM.

I'm so alone and I miss him, I want to see him, to hear his voice one last time, just one more time before I have to let him go forever.

I am so stupid. I want my koibito back; to lay down with him, to be trapped in those strong arms again, to run my fingers through golden locks and loose myself into endless pool of hazel eyes and sweet, long kissed. I want him back, I need him back because I'm nothing without him and I'll die if I don't have him.

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The pages of a young singer's diary kept going back and forth as the wind make them dance to its rhythm; same wind that entered through the window as outside the god sun relinquish it's place in the skies to it's fair bride the moon.

OWARI

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A/N Please R&R…. well that's it for this time… matta ne minna.

:Plotless, pointless... just like me:


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